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How Do You Talk To Your Children During Hard Times?

The following is a transcript of a report by medical editor Marilyn Brooks that first aired Oct. 3, 2006, on WTAE Channel 4 Action News at 5:30 p.m. It's hard to avoid the news about Monday's school shooting, and we know some of you parents have to answer some tough questions from your kids about what happened. It has to be scary when you're a child, and you hear about something like this happening, little children victimized. It's bad enough when it happens once, but when it happens three times in one week, it's tough for all of us, young and old alike, to understand. If you're a parent, now is the time to appear calm, even if you're worried silly and what you say to your children really depends on their age. It is hard to believe five girls are dead and five more remain hospitalized after Monday's shooting in a one-room Amish schoolhouse. It is the nation's third such incident in less than one week, but what do parents say to their children? How can they explain this kind of madness? "They don't need to explain it, they don't have to have all the answers," said Dr. Mary Margaret Kerr. "It's OK not to know." Kerr teaches others how to handle tragedy, including the kind of mind-numbing violence that ripped open a small Pennsylvania community on Monday. As the parents of the Amish children try to make sense of what has happened and why, other parents everywhere wonder how best to protect their own children from this horror. Amid the chaos, a calm voice of reasonable advice. "For young children, screen them from the television news, screen them from the radio, don't let the newspaper lie around on the kitchen table," said Kerr. Older children will have questions. Could this happen at my school? Am I safe? They may have nightmares or bad dreams, but Kerr said to expect them to experience fear, anxiety, confusion, shock and surprise. The school shooting images can't be erased from the mind, but Kerr said the mind can be made to rest easy with plenty of reassurance, tender loving care and by understanding the reactions are typical. "They can also let the child know it's OK to be upset about this, even if it didn't happen to you, and it didn't happen to your school," said Kerr. Charles Roberts, the man who killed the children and himself left suicide notes to his family. They may be the only clue authorities will ever have to explain what he did and why, but those notes won't be enough for other parents of other children. But there is something that can help. The University of Pittsburgh put it together after Hurricane Katrina. ProjectReassure.org has information in lay language that is written for parents who need help with anxious, angry or frightened children.

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